Blobster (Blogging Lobster?)

I love long weekends. Especially ones that don't involve complicated logistics up or down the east coast. Just an extra day off from work with not much to do. That's what makes Independence Day a cool holiday. King George did us all a favor when he imposed taxation without representation. That move paved the way for 3-day weekends for most of America. Good ol' George. (We'll just gloss over the anger, war, death and destruction part. 3-day weekends are so much more fun and I'm choosing to stay positive here.) 


Why did I love this particular 3-day weekend? Several reasons: 1) Lobster  2) A spontaneous visit from my mother-in-law from upstate New York and 3) a trip to Long Island for more good seafood with someone who owns an actual car.


There is only room in this post to talk about the lobster, which caused a sizable disagreement in our house. Not a surprise, really. Disagreements are our MO. Have you ever seen that movie The Break-Up with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston? BIG, big fight over that movie. If you've seen the movie, it's the scene in the beginning about the lemons that started it all. I know. Utterly ridiculous. But I won, hands down. And since I'm the one with the blog, that's how it's going down in history. Ha! Major benefit to blogging just discovered. 


So anyway. Lobster. Chris and I enjoy many, many, many (many x infinity x 10) kinds of food. My waist line can verify that. And lobster is one of our all-time favorites. I thought it would be a good idea to stay home and away from the crowds, get a couple of lobsters, some enticing sides and a few beers, and kick off our first long weekend of the summer in chillaxin' style. That's right. Chillaxin'. 


We have cooked lobster a couple of times before, although quite unexpectedly. We order most of our groceries from FreshDirect, a food delivery service in New York, and they sell local lobster. You can buy them live or have them split for you. The first 2 times we ordered, I asked them to split the lobster. FD fail. I was met at the door by moving, creepy crawly antennae. You can imagine the shock. The solutions to any live lobster situation are to boil the lobsters and watch them squirm or split them in half with a knife, while still alive, Julia Child style. Neither option is appealing. I have always loved Julia Child and realizing the courage it takes to split a live lobster and the nonchalant way she handled it just made my respect for her skyrocket. I could blog about that, but someone's beat me to it. We decided to boil the red ocean-rodents.  


First we had FD fail. Then I had husband fail. Chris refused to boil the lobsters. He didn't want to be in the room, didn't want to watch, but you bet he wanted the tasty results! Call me crazy, but I was not at all appreciative of his new PETA like stance. Okay, he's not like PETA, but the end result is the same. It left me with this awesome (as in big, not cool) responsibility. Chris did participate by googling how to treat our latest house guests and told me that I had to rub their backs to help them calm down before I killed them. Seriously?? I huffed and I puffed and I squealed and I squirmed. Then I rubbed their weird little backs and I boiled. (On a side note, I realize that this is the 2nd blog post including murder in a very short amount of time. Curious.)


The 2nd FD fail upset me, but FD credited 100% of the lobster price for their goof. Okay, I can deal with that. This third time, I didn't even ask them to split it. I'll do it my damn self! I am woman! 


When I suggested the idea to Chris a couple of weeks earlier, he was not loving it. 
Me: "Why don't we order lobsters for July 4th weekend?"
Chris: "Nah. I don't think I want to."
Me: "Why not?"
Chris: "Because I don't want to have to kill them."
Me:  Blank stare. ".......??????......."   


Then:
Who do you think you are?? YOU don't want to have to kill them? What do you mean YOU don't want to kill them? YOU think it's a pain? YOU'RE the guy who REFUSED to help ME!!! Now I'M the one wanting to order them knowing I have to do all of the work anyway! What the hell?!?!


I ordered lobsters. That'll show him. I'll go against his wishes and order the lobsters because I want to, dammit. Then he'll enjoy eating them, feel guilty about it and THEN he'll see who's boss! HA! 


After all of that arguing, July 4th weekend comes around and guess who decided to watch the kill? That's right, Hubby!! This time, of course, our lobsters decided to give me more trouble than ever before. Flexing their rubber-banded claws so they couldn't fit in the pot, they reminded me of Sebastian the lobster in The Little Mermaid in that kitchen scene. But not as much singing. Then, Chris decided to lift the lid at one point and one of the claws shot up and sprayed a small bucket of water on us, a la Julie & Julia. After all that drama, the meat was just okay. But the sides and the beer and the long weekend made up for it. 


So what's the point of this blog? Nothing really. 3-day weekends are awesome. Killing lobsters is not. Oh, and I'm always right. :)

Victim #1

  

Victim #2